From our April 12, 2001, edition.

Editor's Note: This is all in good fun and for a worthy cause. Every Turkey King Candidate is a fine individual and a good sport.

Jeter widens lead to be first Turkey King

Roger Estlack, Clarendon Enterprise

With just one week to go before the final votes are tallied, local banker Vic Jeter has widened his lead over Mayor Tex Selvidge, and he now appears to be unstoppable in his effort to be Donley County’s first Turkey King.

Jeter was leading the Clarendon mayor by a margin of $27.32, according to this week’s Enterprise / Gobbler Poll. That’s nearly $10 ahead of where Jeter was this time last week.

Election judge Linda Gray said things have been relatively quiet at the polling place with the exception of campaign handbills appearing there. One was put on the door of Duckwall’s, and another was placed right on the jar of the candidate in question – Mayor Tex Selvidge.

Electioneering within 100 feet of any polling place is a clear violation of the law, but when asked if she thought the Selvidge campaign was at fault, she said no.

“I think Vic [Jeter] was behind it,” she said, “but don’t quote me.”

Jeter denied any knowledge of the Selvidge posters and reacted angrily when told about the electioneering rules.

“Who’s making up all these rules??” he exclaimed. “We need someone to write all this down. There ought to be a book or something.”

A faceless committee known only as the “Don’t Wanna Be Turkey King Campaign” might be responsible for the posters. That group has also taken out an ad in this week’s paper supporting Selvidge.

The Jeter forces aren’t going to be outdone, however. “Birds of a Feather,” the committee to elect the local banker, has also purchased print advertising this week.

Meanwhile, a confrontation erupted between candidate Jeter and Chamber of Commerce director Judy Burlin. According to witnesses, Burlin told Jeter he couldn’t be present when the votes are counted next week.

“Haven’t you ever learned about any election laws in your life?” she asked. “Candidates are never present when votes are counted.”

Burlin continued and even stooped so low as to say that Jeter’s real name is Vic Gore.

Local political analysts unanimously decried Burlin’s comments and accused her of mudslinging and dirty politics.

“The politics of personal destruction must end,” one analyst said. “Jeter may be a lowlife, cheating turkey, but he is no Al Gore. To say otherwise is an insult and a disservice to turkeys everywhere.”

In other Turkey Festival news, anti-poultry forces have struck again – this time in the yard of Game Warden Gary Hunt.

Hunt finally received one of the pink and green wooden turkeys in his yard last Thursday. But then when no one was looking, the anti-poultry forces attacked.

“I was patrolling in Armstrong County when my wife called,” Hunt said. “She said the turkey had gone to roost.”

When he came home, Hunt found that someone had put the turkey up in the top of a maple tree about 30 feet off the ground. The bird was so scared of heights that it wouldn’t come down and was reported to still be in the tree at press time.

Hunt said that while it’s common for the Rio Grande turkey to roost that high in the wild, the Salt Fork plywood turkey generally does not like to be that far from terra firma.

At least Hunt’s turkey still has his life though. One bird last week was not so lucky when he encountered the anti-poultry squad. Thomas Prescott Featherbottom was lynched in the front yard of Tessie Robinson last week.

No suspects have been identified as the attackers of Featherbottom, who was known as Tom to his friends.

The victim will lie in state at the Burton Memorial Library on April 19 from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. A wake will be held at the same time, and refreshments will be served. Arrangements are under the direction of Robertson Funeral Directors and the library staff.

Memorials in Featherbottom’s honor may be made to the Donley County Tourism Committee.

Anyone can have a turkey put in someone’s yard for a birthday, anniversary, or gag gift for a $5 donation to the Tourism Council. Call Carolyn Blackerby at the Burton Library at 874-3685 for your order.

The election for Donley County’s King Turkey continues, and pictures of all 12 turkey candidates are on money jars at Duckwall’s. The winner will be the turkey with the most money at the end of the contest.

The king will be crowned during the Turkey Strut Festival on April 21-22.

Money raised goes to the Donley County Tourism Council to help promote our fair county. Vote early and vote often.