From our April 19, 2001, edition.

Editor's Note: This is all in good fun and for a worthy cause. Every Turkey King Candidate is a fine individual and a good sport.

Turkey King votes will be counted this Friday

Roger Estlack, Clarendon Enterprise

It’s all coming down to the wire as the blood and giblets battle to be Donley County’s first Turkey King enters its ninth and final week.

At press time, local banker Vic Jeter was still leading in the Enterprise / Gobbler Poll with $62.75. His nearest competitor, Clarendon Mayor Tex Selvidge, was trailing behind by a margin of $22.06.

Car dealer Trey Chamberlain, water man Bobbie Kidd, and County Judge Jack Hall rounded out the top five positions, but they, along with the seven other minor candidates, are not expected to have a turkey’s chance at Thanksgiving of breaking out of the flock.

The final votes will be tallied this Friday at 5 p.m. at an undisclosed location. No candidates will be allowed inside while the money is counted. The winner will be crowned Saturday night at 7 p.m. on Kearney Street.

A few feathers were ruffled in the last week as Chamber Secretary Judy Burlin took a money jar for Vic Jeter and reportedly tried to solicit votes for the banker outside of the official polling place.

Jeter claimed this clear act of attempted ballot stuffing on his behalf should lead to his disqualification from the race. Clearer heads prevailed, however, and officials realized that Jeter had nothing to do with Burlin’s actions. His candidacy was thus preserved, and his hopes of being king were not dashed.

In a diversionary tactic, Jeter tried to mount a write-in candidacy last Friday to have Burlin elected king.

Election judge Linda Gray says things have settled down a lot since the high jinks and shenanigans of recent weeks. But she is suspicious.

“I think they must be planning something because it has been too quiet,” she said.

Political analysts disagreed and said the public was simply worn out by an election process that had gone on too long.

“People just want this thing to be over with,” one analyst said. “They all know Jeter is the top turkey. The election is a foregone conclusion.”

But in a race where anything could and has happened, Jeter’s victory may not be certain. Librarian Carolyn Blackerby said one man from Vanderbilt, Texas, called her and said he would pay whatever amount was necessary to elect Selvidge. Unfortunately for him, money must be put in the jar before it’s counted.

“This is an election, dadgumit. Not a telethon,” one analyst said.

Meanwhile, The Clarendon Enterprise threw its considerable political weight behind the candidacy of Vic Jeter with a strong editorial endorsement.

“We like Mayor Selvidge a lot,” said publisher Roger Estlack, “but let’s face it. Jeter is the front runner in this race, and we want to back a winner.

“Poll after poll shows Jeter is the choice of the people. Selvidge will never be king.”

In other turkey news, tourism council member Dee Dee Autry was seen on an Amarillo morning news show this week showing off the corpse of Thomas Prescott Featherbottom in a sick attempt to appeal to people’s morbid fascination with death and draw them to the Turkey Festival.

Featherbottom is the wooden turkey who was violently lynched by anti-poultry forces two weeks ago.

A wake for the dead bird will be held this Thursday, April 19, in the Burton Memorial Library from 4 to 7 p.m. Refreshments will be served.

If he doesn’t start smelling too bad, Librarian Blackerby says Featherbottom may lie in state on Friday as well in order to allow more people to express their condolences.

The election for Donley County’s King Turkey continues, and money jars for all 12 candidates are at Duckwall’s. The winner will be the turkey with the most money at the end of the contest.

This is it, citizens. Vote now or forever hold your peace!